No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
