she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
