Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
