ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
