Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
