I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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