im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i believe in u and ur pee
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
