what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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