Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
