He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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