he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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