Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
