Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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