I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
