i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
