There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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