According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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