So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
