If i come over, it means nothing
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
