just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
