Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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