I wish I only lived at night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
