its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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