Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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