i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
