Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
