She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
