it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
