Your face is a jimmy john
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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