Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
