I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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