There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
