She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
