i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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