I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
