I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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