if you like me you must not know who I am
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
