lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
