he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
