Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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