Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
