Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
