yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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