So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
