Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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