I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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