Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
