Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
