The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
