if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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