It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
