I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
