I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
