Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
