Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
