The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think I just sharted jello shots
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
