i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
