I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
