he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
