we have officially lost it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
