; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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