I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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