Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
