well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
