I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
