I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
