do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
