You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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