so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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