Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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