i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
