Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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