I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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