I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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