the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
